-Poopy Fred. Poopy Fred was a Fred Flintstone doll we played
with when we lived in Midland Texas. At some point “Poopy Fred” had gotten
smashed into somebody’s diaper. My Mom washed it, but after that “Poopy Fred”
was notorious and nobody wanted to play with him, especially my sister Amanda.
We would take “Poopy Fred” and hide him in the blankets of my sister’s crib
while she was napping. Then, we would wait outside the door just to hear her
scream, and freak out when she found “Poopy Fred” hidden in the blankets with
her.
-“No Ho Ho!” In my sisters defense this thing was very creepy,
none of us kids really liked it, and Amanda hated it. “Ho Ho” was a Santa Doll
but it looked more like a demonic gnome. My brother Joseph used to like to take
“Ho Ho” and place it on my sister’s dresser so it was “looking” at her. She
would throw an absolute conniption and scream “No Ho Ho! No Ho Ho!” until my
Mom would come in and remove it.
-Amanda’s first word was shit……shhhhh I didn’t tell you that :)
-My (ex) stepdad Clay was a truck driver. When he would go
on trips he would sometimes bring my Mom and Amanda with him, while the rest of
us were being watched by Little Grandpa. When Amanda would get back and play
cars with my brother Jordan she would say “Everybody and their Mothers are out
here!” or “There are no parking spaces!”
-Little Grandpa:
Clay’s Dad who was really short.
-Big Grandpa: My
paternal Grandpa who is really tall, 6’4.
-Clay had a favorite coffee cup that no one and I mean no
one was allowed to touch, so that meant of course my sister Beth couldn’t wait
to get her hands on it. Well she did, and she ended up breaking it. Beth tried
to get Jordan to cover for her, and the real story came out. Apparently Fred
Flintstone broke the coffee cup with a chainsaw (according to Jordan).
-When you are part of a large family (5 kids’ total) there
is a lot of bickering. Joseph and Beth always got into it because Joseph was
the older sibling, and Beth wanted to be in charge. Joseph liked to hide under
his bed (which we had to walk past to get to my and Beth’s bedroom) and then
wait until Beth walked by. Then he would reach out and grab her feet moaning “Brain
Donor! Brain Donor!” Beth would run hollering out of the room, only to be back to kick some ass
a few minutes later. You didn’t mess with Beth.
-Clay had a huge change collection in the garage behind the
house. He hid it there so us kids wouldn’t steal any of it. Naturally Beth knew
about it, so she would make me stand guard (which involved me wringing my hands
nervously) while she snuck out the window and slipped into the garage. She would
run back a few minutes later with the pockets of her pants jingling, loaded
down with change. Beth would then go to the grocery store by the house and buy
penny tootsie rolls and orange taffy. She made double sure to not share any
with Joseph.
-Beth’s motto “Three for me, none for you.” You never wanted
Beth to divide anything because you would end up grossly shortchanged.
- Another Beth motto “Them’s my flies.” Beth was fiercely
loyal to her siblings and she would kick the crap out of anyone who dared to
pick on any of us (and she is still just as loyal to this day).
- Little Grandpa was babysitting Joseph, Beth and I. Beth
was playing around in the front yard and Little Grandpa told her it was time to
come inside. She started dancing around slapping her butt, telling him no.
Little Grandpa insisted that Beth needed to come inside because he was the
adult and Beth needed to listen to him. Beth got belligerent, instead of going
inside Beth turned around and mooned Little Grandpa. He was very offended and
told her that she was rude and very unladylike. Beth just laughed hysterically
and ran off.
-Once my Mom told my Joseph that Big Foot lived in the
gopher holes in the front yard. So Joseph sat outside with a stick waiting for
Big Foot to come out of one of the gopher holes.
-When you have to jam five kids into the backseat of a car,
things can get quite hairy. Beth would get irritated and start smacking people.
Because I was one of the easiest targets I got fwapped first. When I would
start crying Beth would either put her hand over my mouth to get me to shut up.
If Mom turned around and asked what was the matter, Beth would innocently say “Kaye
what is wrong with you?”
-One year for my birthday I got a bunch of new Barbie’s from
my Grandparents. Joseph and Jordan were getting ready for Sunday School, for
some reason Beth and I had talked our way out of going. As I said above it was
a bad idea to let Beth divide anything. Of course Beth got to play with all my
new Barbie’s and I was stuck with all the old nappy Barbie’s who’s heads had
been pulled off and pushed back on. I was fed up! I threw the Barbie I was
playing with on the ground and screamed “I don’t want no poopy Barbie’s!” Beth
scrambled to get me to shut up; least Mom should come in and see she was not
playing fairly. In the meantime the boy’s had overheard what I had screamed and
started laughing. To this day I have not been able to live it down.
-We had to get a tire fixed on the car and so we all piled
into the clown car to go with Clay. After the tire was fixed the mechanic gave
us all suckers. When he handed me a sucker he said “For the beautiful little
boy.” I was really offended and I told him “I’m not a boy, I’m a girl!” and I
refused to accept the sucker he tried to give me.
-When Beth was four and I was two she would run around
proudly saying she was a “Big Grill”, and I would run around saying I was a “Big
Gull.” Anything Beth did I wanted to do. So whenever Beth would say she was
going to do something I would say “Me too!” This earned me the nickname “Little
Me Too.”
These
things are funny, but I do miss my family dearly and I can’t wait to see them
again and give them all great big hugs.
