Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Lamentable Tale of Maddoc Murray



    In a small white washed cottage on the edge of Loch Rannoch, lived a middle aged bachelor named Maddoc Murray. Preferring to live on the fringes of society; Maddoc was a shy, eccentric Scotsman whose only interaction with the local took place on Wednesday nights when he made his weekly trip to the Whiskybae Pub.

                
    Wednesday evening, when the water of life flowed; gossip of the day was conferred with classic Scottish flare. A drunken dispute over who invented the game of golf was resolved over arm wrestling; a game of “Maw” and an incoherent rabble rousing chorus of ‘Donald Where’s Your Troosers’ rounded out the jamboree. It was sometime after midnight when the pub regulars trooped home.

               
   Maddoc was in a rather jovial frame of mind as he started out on the two mile journey. A harvest moon shone bright in the sky lighting his way. As the footpath wound through the woods that bordered his property, an eerie flesh crawling realization dawned on the intoxicated Scotsman. The comforting sound of the nocturnal beasts had gone quiet; a warm breeze carried the sour putrefying stench of rotting flesh.

                
    To the right of the path, rustling came from the underbrush. Peering into the long shadows cast by the trees, Maddoc could not find the source for the noise. Hastening his steps, he jogged nervously for a ways. Nevertheless whatever was following him remained out of sight in the brush; keeping pace with the frightened Scotsman, the odor of decay persisted.

               
    The end of the footpath emerged in the distance. Just beyond that was the shelter of the white stone cottage. Maddoc knew that if he didn’t gather his inebriated wits and make for the safety of the cottage, there was a good chance the creature in the woods would cut him off in the clearing ahead.

                 
    With all his capacity, Maddoc took off like buckshot through the woods; just as before the thing followed in close pursuit. Filled with dread, the Scotsman entered the clearing……and nothing materialized. He turned and cast an eye over the woods; the night had again gone still. Breathing a sigh of relief, he walked the rest of the way to his small house.

                
    The moon shone through the south window facing the woods, casting shadows throughout the one room cottage. Draping his cloak over the back of the chair by the front door, he set about securing the shutters and drawing the latch across the door; Maddoc proceeded to build a fire in the fireplace. Underneath the south window a bed was situated. From sheer exhaustion, he flung himself across the bed and passed out.  

                
    An hour or so later, he awoke from a fitful slumber to “Thump, thump, thump.” Opening one eye, he noticed that the north cottage window had become unshuttered, the shutters gently swaying in the breeze. The guttering fire in the hearth threw irregular shadows throughout the room. Closing his eyes once more, Maddoc tried to go back to sleep, but he was interrupted again by a “Thump, thump, thump.”

                
   Sitting up, he saw that the shutters were still. “Thump, thump, thump,” in the darkest corner of the room, something moved. The smell of rotten flesh pervaded throughout the cottage. Terrified, Maddoc hid under the covers as the thing emerged from the shadows. His heart beat loudly in his chest as the thing got closer and closer. The smell was so overpowering he thought he might vomit. It stopped beside the bed, paused for a moment; and then tore the covers away.

                
   Maddoc’s eyes bulged with horror. Opening his mouth, he tried to scream, the sound never left his throat. Standing next to the bed was a fearsome creature with one arm and one leg. Rotten, grey skin hung from its frame, maggots bore holes into its flesh. Thin black hair stuck to the scalp; a singular clouded, bloodshot eye glared down at Maddoc.

               
   Wednesday evening came and went, and Maddoc Murray did not make his usual appearance. This set tongues to wagging; perhaps he had fallen into the loch and drowned or some other horrible mishap had fallen upon the eccentric bachelor. Curiosity is a strong motivator. The proceeding morning Alphin Lockhart; a regular at the Whiskybae Pub and probably the only person who might be considered a friend to Maddoc Murray, set out for the cottage near the Loch Rannoch.  

                
   When Alphin reached the woods that surrounded Maddoc’s property, he saw a figure walking ahead in the footpath towards him. The cloak was similar to the one his peculiar friend wore; so Alphin yelled, flagging down the figure. As Alphin drew closer, the strong odor of decaying flesh surrounded him.  

                 
   Abreast with the figure, Alphin realized the individual was a head shorter than his friend. Bidding the stranger ‘Good Morning,’ he noted the odd manner in which the stranger kept his face hidden in the cloak; it was equally as hard not to notice the smell which permeated the strangers being. ‘Good Morning’, was the garbled reply, as the stranger limped past Alphin.

               
   Alphin continued in the direction of the cottage. As he crossed the clearing, the small house in the distance had an air of abandonment. Knocking on the front door, Alphin called out to Maddoc without any reply. He pushed on the door and noticed it was still latched from the inside.

                
    He walked around to the north side of the cottage; the shutters of the north window were open. Curious, Alphin peered in and then stumbled backwards away from the window. Taking a handkerchief out of his pocket, he held it to his nose and mouth to help mask the smell of purification.


Looking in the window once more he saw Maddoc Murray lying on his bed; or what was left of the Scotsman’s bloated decaying body. Everything from the left side of his body had been removed, like he had been cannibalized. What remained of the right side lay at a strange angle, as if he had struggled until the very end.  His glassed over eye stared up at the ceiling in terror, his mouth frozen in a horrified scream.
               

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Westside/Eastside Garden (A Gnome Soap Opera) by Beth & Kaye Warren




 Continued......



“I’ll see your shoe snake (no relation to the trouser snake) and raise you a Rose Nicolson,” squeaked Doolius Boozler, pushing forward a stolen ID card. Gnomes play Texas Hold’em with items stolen from the “Non-Gifted.” Gnomes really don’t know how to play Texas Hold’em, they couldn’t even find Texas on the European map.
                
 “What trickery is this!” squealed Fartrell Cluggins, thrusting his finger in Doolius Boozler’s face.
                
 Taking offence, Doolius Boozler protested hiccuping “Do you know who I am?”
                 
“Doolius Boozler; The Drunken Sneak. Whose mother was born on the Eastside,” sneered Fartrell Cluggins.
               
 A scuffle broke out, poker rocks were being thrown and nose biting ensued.
                 
“That enough of your rumpus” roared Burly Toeskin breaking up the fight, grabbing the rabble-rousers by their toes “You will answer to The West himself,” he avowed.
                  
“Not Quakadilly Blip,” Fartrell Cluggins and Doolius Boozler yelped, eyes round with fear.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Westside/Eastside Garden, (A Gnome Soap Opera) by Beth & Kaye Warren



     Nob's Palace    

  Beneath the disguise of darkness, Gnomes scuttled out of their earthen hideaways, yawning and stretching. Stealthily they crept across the lawn, making their way towards Nob’s Palace. To the “Non-Gifted” (that’s what gnomes call humans) it may appear to just be an old oak tree; but unbeknownst to the undiscerning eye, it was so much more. Knowing how to enter Nob’s Palace is the key, not just any chumped up Gnome can enter (those idiot Gnomes from the eastside), oh no.

You must turn a phrase eloquently on the tongue. “May I pass,” does not work, therefore neither does “Open says me,” and you can just forget it if you are from the eastside.  Ok, I’m going to tell you how to get in, and you must say it exactly this way: “Cheers, cheers, cheers to the West! To get slovenly drunk is my quest…..eehhh eehhhh, ummmm, ahhhh and I forget the rest.” If you’re shrewd enough to get in, and if the bouncer Burly Toeskin likes the cut of your jib; a Utopia of debauchery awaits.

Located in Nob’s Palaces main central chamber is the piece de resistance: A dog food bowl water fountain, the centerpiece is a water hose.  Hip Gnomes get down with the Indi-Washboard band ‘Squirrel.’ Westies can quench their thirst at The Drunken Cricket Bar & Bar. On tap tonight we have a cold Maggot Cider, yum! Left of the hall are the corn stalk machines, try your luck with the Golden Goddess!

Gnomes scurried about, grabbing a drink or two and playing at their favorite tables.Don't dare try to cheat,the eye in the sky is always watching (we leave such underhanded tricks to the Easties). Most popular of these is the Texas Hold’em table; a game not for the faint of heart or the empty of pocket. To get to the Texas Hold’em room, Gnomes must hop on the lily pad elevator where George; the frog bellhop will take them to their final  destination. 

This is where it gets tricky. Because Gnomes don't go to school for architecture or engineering, the ride might get a bit.....well bumpy. Gnomes will arrive at their journey's end just a little bit sick and dizzy; better not fill up on Maggot Cider. Be sure to watch out for the Dangall Cats, they have been known to eat witless Gnomes.


To Be Continued.......

Monday, October 7, 2013

Tuatha De Danann Graveyard



     A tenebrous velvet curtain drew across the hill strewn countryside. The boundless heavens were scattered with thousands of stars. They flickered and nodded, eyes watching; a hushed anticipation.  As if on cue, dark tendrils retreated; pursued by the nimble light of approaching lanterns. In the distance through tall grass, a grove gradually emerged out of the darkness. High above the trees, in graceful repose; the Evening Star observed the approaching individuals’ with great curiosity.

                 
 “Once a race mighty now brought low, hidden where mortals fear to go. Mysteries the Evening Star does keep; where children of Goddess Danu rest, an eternal sleep.”

                
   Looming ahead, a stream mirroring the sky chortled; singing a melodic lullaby to the night. Carefully, lanterns held aloft; the gentlemen traversed the exposed stone footpath that led to the opposite embankment. A gentle breeze danced through the leaves; visible in the spaces amongst the trees, small pinpoints of light bobbed up and down. An eerie glow filled the surrounding meadow.

               
  Inside the cluster of trees, small mounds of stone lay partially hidden in the tall grass. In front of each mound, a solitary flower bloomed. Curving inward like delicate white slippers attached to slender green stems. Suspended in every bloom, an orb emitting a soft white light. The stones furled outwards and spiraled inwards, taking the shape of an intricate Celtic cross. At the center, a small hill covered in lofty whispering grass; obscuring part of the formation.

               
  Everything went unnaturally silent. An intoxicating perfume filled the air, causing the men to become drunk off of its heady scent. Light headed, they stumbled towards the middle of the cross. The atmosphere crackled and snapped; like it does sometime before a storm. As if heated by a flame, the air rippled, contorting. Dark robed figures emerged from the hill singing:


"White shields they carry in their hands, 
With emblems of pale silver; 
With glittering blue swords, 
With mighty stout horns.
In well-devised battle array,  
Ahead of their fair chieftain, 
They march amid blue spears, 

Pale-visages, curly-headed bands.
They scatter the battalions of the foe, 
They ravage every land they attack,  
Splendidly they march to combat, A swift, 
Distinguished, avenging host!
No wonder though their strength be great:  
Sons of queens and kings are one and all;  
On their heads are Beautiful golden-yellow manes.
With smooth comely bodies,  
With bright blue-starred eyes,  
With pure crystal teeth, With thin red lips.
 
Good they are at man-slaying, 
Melodious in the ale-house, Masterly at making songs, 
Skilled at playing fidchell."

Lost in the mists of time, on Midsummer's Eve many years ago; visitors from four great sky cities: Falias, Gorias, Finias, and Murias; landed on the coasts of Ireland. As they felt was their right, the Tuatha De Danann sought to conquer and rule the land. Challenging the existing inhabitants, the Fir Bolg; The Battle of Mag Tuired lasted for four days.


Tuatha De Danann rode hard into battle on red stallions, striking down their adversaries with swords of blue flame. On the second day of the battle, Sreng champion of the Fir Bolg; openly defied King Nuada.  Challenging him to single hand combat, Sreng removed the hand of the Tuatha De Danann King with one grisly blow. As the battle raged, victory appeared grim as the Fir Bolg attempted to throw the invaders back into the depths of the sea.


On the fourth day, casualties were running high on both sides. The Tuatha De Danann, with everything to lose, made one last bid for victory. Raising The Spear of Lugh high, the young warrior Bres thrust the spear through Fir Bolg King’s (Eochaidh) head. Victorious, the Tuatha De Danann banished the Fir Bolg to the lands Connacht.