Westside/Eastside Garden, (A Gnome Soap Opera) by Beth & Kaye Warren

     Nob's Palace    

  Beneath the disguise of darkness, Gnomes scuttled out of their earthen hideaways, yawning and stretching. Stealthily they crept across the lawn, making their way towards Nob’s Palace. To the “Non-Gifted” (that’s what gnomes call humans) it may appear to just be an old oak tree; but unbeknownst to the undiscerning eye, it was so much more. Knowing how to enter Nob’s Palace is the key, not just any chumped up Gnome can enter (those idiot Gnomes from the eastside), oh no.

You must turn a phrase eloquently on the tongue. “May I pass,” does not work, therefore neither does “Open says me,” and you can just forget it if you are from the eastside.  Ok, I’m going to tell you how to get in, and you must say it exactly this way: “Cheers, cheers, cheers to the West! To get slovenly drunk is my quest…..eehhh eehhhh, ummmm, ahhhh and I forget the rest.” If you’re shrewd enough to get in, and if the bouncer Burly Toeskin likes the cut of your jib; a Utopia of debauchery awaits.

Located in Nob’s Palaces main central chamber is the piece de resistance: A dog food bowl water fountain, the centerpiece is a water hose.  Hip Gnomes get down with the Indi-Washboard band ‘Squirrel.’ Westies can quench their thirst at The Drunken Cricket Bar & Bar. On tap tonight we have a cold Maggot Cider, yum! Left of the hall are the corn stalk machines, try your luck with the Golden Goddess!

Gnomes scurried about, grabbing a drink or two and playing at their favorite tables.Don't dare try to cheat,the eye in the sky is always watching (we leave such underhanded tricks to the Easties). Most popular of these is the Texas Hold’em table; a game not for the faint of heart or the empty of pocket. To get to the Texas Hold’em room, Gnomes must hop on the lily pad elevator where George; the frog bellhop will take them to their final  destination. 

This is where it gets tricky. Because Gnomes don't go to school for architecture or engineering, the ride might get a bit.....well bumpy. Gnomes will arrive at their journey's end just a little bit sick and dizzy; better not fill up on Maggot Cider. Be sure to watch out for the Dangall Cats, they have been known to eat witless Gnomes.

To Be Continued.......