Unadulterated criminal intent gazed back at me from flat
calculating baby blue eyes. Cherubic features did nothing to diminish the “Agent
of Satan” impression this entity gave off; piercing red suit and pointed hat only
added to the malicious vibe. The accursed doll came into my possession several
years back as a Christmas gag, a pair of lumpy knitted socks or Q-Tips would
have been better.
“Neato!
You got one of those Elf on a Shelf things,” cried my roommate as he saw the
harbinger of hell peep out of the tissue wrappings as I entered the apartment.
“Yeah,”
I replied nonchalantly, roughly throwing the doll on the kitchen table and
going to the fridge for a beer “Those holiday parties are a rip off. Why can’t
they give you something useful like a European vacation or a flat screen TV?”
“Are
you going to name it?” inquired my roommate amused.
“Hmmmm,”
I said sitting down at the table picking up the doll and inspecting it, holding
it up to the light “I christen you……Randall.”
A
sinister sounding giggle emanated from the elf.
“What
the hell man!” cried my roommate, shoving his chair away from the table; at the
same time I flung the elf across the room. It hit the wall with a soft thud.
We sat
in silence for a few stunned minutes, then mustering our courage we walked over
to where the elf lay. I nudged it with my foot, it didn't move.
“It
must have a voice box inside,” whispered my roommate nervously.
“Probably
somebody’s version of a bad joke,” I agreed. “Just to be on the safe side
though,” I said reaching for a dirty sock nearby. Grabbing the elf quickly, I
shoved it inside the soiled sock. Marching to my bedroom; I hurled the sock and
doll combo into the utmost recesses of my closet, then slammed the door shut.
That appeared
to resolve the problem……for the next few days at least.
Writing Prompt Link: http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/your-elf-on-the-shelf-is-stealing-from-you
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